Feerozac

Matrix Essays -- For over the top analysis of all things Matrix..

The Matrix Reloaded

Although I had come to expect this to be a bad film as the press seems all over critical - It was still the Matrix.. The darkness and philosophy was still in place, if a little dated now.. The idea of 'rogue' programmes and a co-optive system, based on the meta-code of conscious, I liked. The highlights are : Multiple Agent Smiths. A 'Barcadi Advert' type dance scene, and of course the much hyped 'freeway' scene...Brilliant FX.. But a terribly anti-climatic ending... It leaves me thinking that I will have buy the DVD and watch it again, and await the last in the trilogy.

Last night was crazy

I had a therapy cocktail, it was a bitter-sweet mixture: Intersections of funk and jazz cut with sharp reflections on the chaos of a wrecked relationship and five years of bad choice. I was swaying in the angst, gesticulating wildly like a missionary. I was talking into glass, and screaming in wind. The evening was like a slide show, except the projections were in voluntarily reawakening of deep frailties. I was part to a slo-mo glimpse of the beauty of our life...

We men
Need to be recognised by our group. (Like pack animals). At the same time we need to maintain the fallacy of perfect autonomy. This is why perhaps, when we fall in love it creates friction

WHY BLOG? - Unless its interesting

After a discussion with a friend (the chap who produced that 'portrait' of me below).. It has come to light that some form statement of purpose for this blog should be established.

Actually, I was wondering what is the point of blogging.. My friend thought it was about trying to produce content that people want to read.. i.e. Self-consciously 'writing' to an audience... I suppose I am unselfconsciously writing to an audience... He found that hard to stomach.. I guess its weird, particularly if someone you know reads your blog.. Not sure about what to do next... Maybe abandon, or restructure blog.. I am after all bearing my soul which he finds indulgent and uninteresting. It’s fascinating how different his and my understanding of the Internet is..

For me its democratised interpersonal space, without editorial rule.. It allows for both good and bad. I mean of course no one would wish for the print published anthology of every excruciating angst filled timeline of my life.. But then also its freedom of expression in the form of a public journal. It occupies a space which no other medium does, so to shut it down would result in the already heavily corporate control over content.. Blogging is wide, in fact as wide as human experience. The more blogging takes us into people's lives the more we can feel that our experience's are not unique. There is a beauty in everyone being a writer, writing their own stories.. Of course technology is not democratic, so its a narrow field in which people expressing themselves, but it is a start.

So I stand by my blog, and all others, hoping that the validity is in its sincerity and banality. After all its life as I know it.

Watch this space..........

woke up with neck pain.. Can't move my neck...-- Spent last night trying to think of nothing at all. (this is after I got my scanner to work)..

This is me....

Well. been a hectic few days.. Thursday, drinks in London (My friends 24th). Spent the night drinking, and talking, and generally relishing the luxury of being out. Friday, was even better, as more drinks, firstly in Bishopsgate, then eventually to Rasa. Had a great meal with good company.. Then on to Bar Red, for college friend's birthday. Champagne, and cocktails.... Then on to a 'flat' in Soho.. The guy who's flat it was, was a tad on the 'media' tip. A life groomed from early childhood to adulthood for attention thrill seeking ego satisfaction, ascetic empire building. Not entirely bad experience, but I would not remained in his not so hospitable company had it not been entertaing to see the interaction between his girlfriend and him. I remember that in the flat one entire wall was covered totally with 'real' life size pictures of 1970's American target practice pictures. (Gay coppers in tight police uniforms and moustaches..hrrrm!?). Then onto a bar opposite his flat... And then to Stoke Newington - to stay the night.

Saturday was spent putting my head back together, but done in the most pleasurable way.. Lovely. Then to the depths of Watford (YES!? Watford) for the 30th Birthday party of a good dear old friend. ( I bought an Atari emulator for him.)- Watford?! The place that I associate with my own coming of therapy age (I had therapy here in the late 1990's). But I can say, Watford never fails to deliver the coup-de-grace of low culture masses phobia inducing vomit stained, cheap bitter aftertaste hangover from small town bullshit. The town centre, when the bars close becomes last chance saloon, cock fighting display of drunken brazenness. Maybe its just the way it should be, except I wish it was without me!

Pre 30's fears: - After 35, life gets a little tricky.. I have decided, as part of my preparations for the next phase in my life ie 30, to sit down pause... Reflect and rewrite my life plan for the next 5 years... Here is the framework I am going to use : --- The last five having been interesting but not in the direction I would like to continue in.. It is so important to make a concious decision about what one wishes to achieve.

I had a thought today, about Internal republicanism. No not the internalisation of Bush's political project, but more the sense of looking at one's life as an array of complex domains (like conflicting interests in a State. Each domain having needs. However each domain, has a relationship with another, making the whole. (Ie your personality). Therefore, a sober a sensible look at each one separatly and in relationship to others.... I shall carry on with this nonsense later..

In fact I think Im going to write a review of Orientalism and summarise the critiques too.. (Comming soon)

Orientalism is that large theory about the subjugation of the East by a body of writers and professionals, technocrats etc. But it is also a test of how far a scholar can get away with biting the hand that feeds it. Said is a western scholar, in awe of high culture. His grasp of classic literature is breath taking. It would take a lifetime to unpick all of the critical readings that he offers in Orientalism. But yet this catalogging, and cartography of culture, is not in itself enough. He tentatively suggests a trilogy of works, detailing the different sphere's of Orientalism. (the other having now been completed are 'Culture and Imperialism', the 'Uncovering Islam'). It is as though he was hoping to expunge centuries of history. (Perhaps that explains why it lacks real history).

So why does Orientalism speak to me? When I first read Orientalism in 1992, I was struck by its power liberate. It was as though someone had peeled away the wallpaper in a grand house, and revealed a tarnished tacky, scarred wall behind it.

Been a long time since I last bloged. Lost in the world of memory and nostalgia, I shall not try to update you... Anyway.. I had the last of my RCP course last night, after which I descended to a pub with two guys from my course. We talked about Orientalism, Religion, and Latin America. Although I confess I was not at all able to contribute to the discussions on Latin America. In fact the conversations left me feeling disarmed and inadequate. I sometimes think that I have not got what it takes.. I dunno, I mean I read some of Orientalism before, and thought I had 'bonned' up on it in time for the seminar, but I had nothing intelligent to say, except some vague notion of dependency theory being 'internalist' as well as Weber (this is as a result of a discussion on the nature of Orientalism in the study of Un-even development). I think that I have so much reading to do.....

Meanwhile I have not yet started my dissertation.. I need to see a wich doctor!