Feerozac

I have found a little about Christian forgiveness. It offers forgiveness for our sin, in the shape of Jesus. There is a sense in which believing in Jesus, absolves us from the sin of being human. It seems so violent and final, that God would send his/her/its own 'son' as a means whereby its own creation : humans, can be free to live again without the sin of humanity.

On the other hand, Jesus offers a clean slate to those who enter into faith. Thus one can feel a little more secure about the afterlife?? IS this true? Muslims don't have this option. I mean you are never sure as a Muslim, if you are going to be destined for paradise. Muslims exist in a mal-du-present, they have to cleanse themselves constantly of the current context in which they are by both physically and spiritually.

However there is a conditionality in Christian justice, one must pay for sin. Thus, Jesus pays the large part, and therefore we must let Jesus in before we can be free! Is this conditionality the same thing, which has driven colonialism? The civilising mission!

Ok so there are good days and bad days. I have been at the Library all weekend and spent all of my hours, thinking/working. It reminds me of a saying, 'if you push down on the ground, it pushes back up at you!' Well I feel as though I am pushing a large object up a hill at the moment. BUT as I get further up the hill I can see more, so then I feel as though there are more hills to push this object. The paradox, is that the more I see, the more satisfaction I obtain, and yet the more I feel un-satisfied by other hills which I could be on!

The sadness of life is that we can only do it once, and we have to stick to one timescale. Imagine if you could back to incidents in your life and relive them, and if necessary change them! How much fun that would be!
* * * * * *

What is it about the look given by a beautiful woman, directly in to my eyes, which causes my whole soul to run away and hide? Until I can answer this question, I will never be happy.


Fz

I take back the early criticisms made by me about blogs. Tonight I have sat in a void of indifference. I reflected on the pointlessness of working in the job that I do, and found that I am completely and utterly unfulfilled. In fact nothing seems to satisfy. BUT certainly the job fails to provide anything other than a temporal cancer which is gradually mutating my desire for satisfaction and sapping my energy so that It can get bloated while I wither. I am gradually loosing my essence and find that each sardonic second on my watch sends me closer to my destiny.
Is there nothing that can lift me?

Maybe I just need to get out?

It’s late on Thursday night Friday morning. Tiredness is dragging me into indifference. I am aware of the fact that the day has been the usual struggle. The same themes recurring like a badly writen soap opera. Finding other people's egos are getting in the way, they detune my signal, they block my view with oppressive opinions like a sun starved housing estate. I am in serious need of some solitude and reflection. The only thing is, obligation keeps me wedded both to my desk at home and the desk in the office.

I find myself exponentially drawn to the mission to find a companion. WHY~? I don’t know, the urge is deeper then sexual and yet more shallow then vanity! Perhaps this is classical gemini paradox which has haunted me for eternity?

The Blur lyrics : 'You need a holiday! Somewhere in the Sun' seem to flicker on the cathode ray tube in my mind. Need a retreat.

Anger comes in all shapes and sizes.

This is the reason why we need more salt in our eyes and ears when passively receiving 'information' especially from ads Adbusters: Tibor Kalman

Feeling.. contradictory. The sun is shining and this is a friday, but there is a lot on my mind, and for some reason I feel as though I am neglecting a part of my personality. Or perhaps I am just sufffering from doubt over my abilities in the college work that I am doing. I just dont feel as sharp and consise as I used to. Weird. Again, I think I need some isolation.

I have a martyr complex, I'm Amartya Sen.

Had #2 in a series of Christian themed dreams.. Woke up at 4:30 in the morning because of this spiritual puzzle :-
What is the mechanism whereby we find forgiveness in the Muslim faith?