Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Its Eid, today! Hurray! Eid Mubarak to all...
Monday, November 24, 2003
I need to see green.
Saturday, November 22, 2003
This week has been a nasty one, overall I mean. Come friday I was in such a foul mood that I bit the head of everyone that spoke to me, even if they asked me a straightforward question such as what do you want to eat.. Im sorry about that! To anyone who is nursing a gaping wound where thier head used to be!
Friday, November 21, 2003
Ok, I know I have whinged about it in the past.. But as a means of offering you an 'epilogue' of sorts.. Early indications are that I have passed my Msc..Yiiipppee. So all that Essay Angst, seems to have paid off.
I shall be posting the entire contents of my dissertation for those who wish to read it.....NOT.. But seriously, what now? I suddenly have to start looking for a new job?! or do I get new business cards printed or something.. What is the point of it all?
I shall be posting the entire contents of my dissertation for those who wish to read it.....NOT.. But seriously, what now? I suddenly have to start looking for a new job?! or do I get new business cards printed or something.. What is the point of it all?
Confessions of a non marcher
Ok, im going to come clean.
Thousands of people met in London, in Mallet street to protest against the great face of evil and his crony regime. It was an historic moment. What the hell was I doing? I was at work.
Why? because I felt guilt about trying to take a sick day off. What? Do you know how much stick I got from some friends? I felt guilt about not going on the march, and would have felt guilt about going. So I spent the day talking to colleagues about the march and what it was about etc.. And of course feeling GUILT.
I eventually went to Trafalgar square to meet friends. I say friends, but they baited and harassed me for being the corporate lackey that I evidently am.. This career schizophrenia has to cease.
The mass of speakers, young students, old radicals, conservative Muslims, the lot all there, and then I walk up:- corporate wage slave. I witnessed a 'broad church' (remember that piece of politico-journalism?) of support for the notion of 'Toppling Bush'. I'm glad that the People of this country can make Bush feel accountable. At least that's how it must have felt, to be a participant. Of course I can only speculate from the post-march discourses in the pub. I wonder if the 'glaring' contradictions of reality and gloss became more polished and transparent in the minds of marchers, I hope so. I hope that by participating, it strengthened people's connection to politics.
It seems that way.
Actually I'm glad that my friends gave me such a hard time, as I found that as the day went on I justified my lack of participation with classic myths of apathy.. Like, 'my voice will not count', and 'what difference will it make to the protest if I am not there'.. etc etc.. BUT when I got there I realised I had been looking at it too altruistically. I realised it is not about other people, its about yourself. Participation is empowering and more importantly its affirming and cathartic. Seeing all those people in the warmth of post march, solidarity really heartened me...They seemed to have come out to march to affirm and reinforce thier policital convictions and then looked arounded baffled at amount of people who also felt the same way. It was a classic moment of inclusion which I felt acutely and painfully outside of. Shame on me.
Ok, im going to come clean.
Thousands of people met in London, in Mallet street to protest against the great face of evil and his crony regime. It was an historic moment. What the hell was I doing? I was at work.
Why? because I felt guilt about trying to take a sick day off. What? Do you know how much stick I got from some friends? I felt guilt about not going on the march, and would have felt guilt about going. So I spent the day talking to colleagues about the march and what it was about etc.. And of course feeling GUILT.
I eventually went to Trafalgar square to meet friends. I say friends, but they baited and harassed me for being the corporate lackey that I evidently am.. This career schizophrenia has to cease.
The mass of speakers, young students, old radicals, conservative Muslims, the lot all there, and then I walk up:- corporate wage slave. I witnessed a 'broad church' (remember that piece of politico-journalism?) of support for the notion of 'Toppling Bush'. I'm glad that the People of this country can make Bush feel accountable. At least that's how it must have felt, to be a participant. Of course I can only speculate from the post-march discourses in the pub. I wonder if the 'glaring' contradictions of reality and gloss became more polished and transparent in the minds of marchers, I hope so. I hope that by participating, it strengthened people's connection to politics.
It seems that way.
Actually I'm glad that my friends gave me such a hard time, as I found that as the day went on I justified my lack of participation with classic myths of apathy.. Like, 'my voice will not count', and 'what difference will it make to the protest if I am not there'.. etc etc.. BUT when I got there I realised I had been looking at it too altruistically. I realised it is not about other people, its about yourself. Participation is empowering and more importantly its affirming and cathartic. Seeing all those people in the warmth of post march, solidarity really heartened me...They seemed to have come out to march to affirm and reinforce thier policital convictions and then looked arounded baffled at amount of people who also felt the same way. It was a classic moment of inclusion which I felt acutely and painfully outside of. Shame on me.
Monday, November 17, 2003
So, I'm hanging from a rope at 120ft, and I’m looking around and some stupid photographer is pissing around trying to get his exposure just right.. Sounds good huh? Well I feel good. I raised 100 squid for the Red Cross by confronting my fear of heights and doing an abseil from the top of ten-storey office block in Knightsbridge. It was not as bad as I thought.. Just that the harness is quite painful on the buttocks.
There, that’s better. I was suffering from blog guilt, because I should be writing about stuff that I do and stuff that I think etc etc.. I have some video evidence of me doing this deed, but I cannot be arsed to put it on this site.. Actually I may have some stills to put up..
BTW I also have blog guilt for never replying to comments.. It turns out that I have systematically ignored any comments because the free commenting software that I have, does not update the count so it always looks like ZERO.. Seeing as I am embarrassed by my blog I thought nothing of the fact that no-body had actually read this site let alone commented.. I apologise to those that have!
In answer to Rezwan, I will write a 'travelogue' type thingy, I hope soon! ;)
There, that’s better. I was suffering from blog guilt, because I should be writing about stuff that I do and stuff that I think etc etc.. I have some video evidence of me doing this deed, but I cannot be arsed to put it on this site.. Actually I may have some stills to put up..
BTW I also have blog guilt for never replying to comments.. It turns out that I have systematically ignored any comments because the free commenting software that I have, does not update the count so it always looks like ZERO.. Seeing as I am embarrassed by my blog I thought nothing of the fact that no-body had actually read this site let alone commented.. I apologise to those that have!
In answer to Rezwan, I will write a 'travelogue' type thingy, I hope soon! ;)
Friday, November 14, 2003
*This is how i feel right now.* Somebody switched the picture of the CHIMP with a scene from an Inquisition or something!! Fuckers! _ so I took it down.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
"Workingushy" - When you get hairs on the back of your neck, when thinking about work. Can be because you did something really good, or it could be because you did something bad.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
Work
I'm at work, trying to finish a monthly progress report for a product which I have been working on for four years. The report will more then likely be ignored, but I have to do it all the same as its all part of the service. I sit on my arse everyday fixing problems handed to me by an invisible helpdesk conveyer belt. They come in all shapes and sizes, and I have to make them right. I have to sometimes scratch my head and create a new component. Other times I have to drag it out until it seems to have taken a justifiably long time, so that my time spreadsheet looks healthy, so that at the end of the month I can put it the Progress report, (which will more then likely get ignored)....MEANINGLESS isn't it.
Work and Meaning don't go together at all well.
If we came to work for MEANING then would not expect to get paid for it would we? Or perhaps its time I looked for another job? Is it meaningless to seek MEANING in a job? What is MEANING anyway.
The trouble is, Marx taught me that I am alienated because I work as a wage labourer. I sell my time and effort for a 'salary'. I am alienated because I am defeating human nature by repeating patterns of behaviour without being creatively involved in the rewards of my labour, like a craftsman, forced to watch his shop torn apart and split into smaller parts until all he does is make tea.
I feel sick.
I'm at work, trying to finish a monthly progress report for a product which I have been working on for four years. The report will more then likely be ignored, but I have to do it all the same as its all part of the service. I sit on my arse everyday fixing problems handed to me by an invisible helpdesk conveyer belt. They come in all shapes and sizes, and I have to make them right. I have to sometimes scratch my head and create a new component. Other times I have to drag it out until it seems to have taken a justifiably long time, so that my time spreadsheet looks healthy, so that at the end of the month I can put it the Progress report, (which will more then likely get ignored)....MEANINGLESS isn't it.
Work and Meaning don't go together at all well.
If we came to work for MEANING then would not expect to get paid for it would we? Or perhaps its time I looked for another job? Is it meaningless to seek MEANING in a job? What is MEANING anyway.
The trouble is, Marx taught me that I am alienated because I work as a wage labourer. I sell my time and effort for a 'salary'. I am alienated because I am defeating human nature by repeating patterns of behaviour without being creatively involved in the rewards of my labour, like a craftsman, forced to watch his shop torn apart and split into smaller parts until all he does is make tea.
I feel sick.
Monday, November 03, 2003
Spent the weekend trying to catch up on films that I had wanted to see for a while:-
1. Battle Royale
Well well, a short harrowing tale of school children forced to kill each other on an Island. That's about it.. If you dig that type of thing then check it out. I found it entertaining but of limited value for quenching my current thirst for exploration of human relationships..
2. Sexy Beast
Now this is more like it.. What a film. Its full of tension, fear and love. I was able to connect with the characters even though they were essentially East End criminals.. I wonder how realistic the rendering was?! But anyhow it seemed pretty genuine, and Ben Kingsley and Ray Winstone were fantastic.
3. Audition
Shudder. Saw the box in the video shop, and got freaked out and chose the above instead.. How weird then that I turn on channel 4 on Sunday night to see a Japanese film about an audition.. Shit before I realised I was hooked into finding the ending of this creepy film. My advice is, don't meet any women, fall in love with them and feel all happy and content and then rent this film..No just kidding (unless you are planning to 'audition' potential women) it was well done, very tender (believe me when I say tender I mean it) exploration of trust and gender.
1. Battle Royale
Well well, a short harrowing tale of school children forced to kill each other on an Island. That's about it.. If you dig that type of thing then check it out. I found it entertaining but of limited value for quenching my current thirst for exploration of human relationships..
2. Sexy Beast
Now this is more like it.. What a film. Its full of tension, fear and love. I was able to connect with the characters even though they were essentially East End criminals.. I wonder how realistic the rendering was?! But anyhow it seemed pretty genuine, and Ben Kingsley and Ray Winstone were fantastic.
3. Audition
Shudder. Saw the box in the video shop, and got freaked out and chose the above instead.. How weird then that I turn on channel 4 on Sunday night to see a Japanese film about an audition.. Shit before I realised I was hooked into finding the ending of this creepy film. My advice is, don't meet any women, fall in love with them and feel all happy and content and then rent this film..No just kidding (unless you are planning to 'audition' potential women) it was well done, very tender (believe me when I say tender I mean it) exploration of trust and gender.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Love. It occurs in the brushing of fingertips, momentary but frozen until death. The flashback before you leave this world may simply be a glance that your beloved gave, when in an instant you realised that she feels as you do right there.. The reflection of hope, desire, and a lifelong companionship in the gesture of touch. Eternal love, in a memory. In my heart I have realised there are many places in which I have never ventured. I am realising that I can explore fearlessly.
