Sunday, March 31, 2002
Some things are better from the source. I am trying to write this stuff on the IMF and its getting me down..
Sundays are usually the day where i reveal to myself the weeks plans and strategies for change?!! BUT recently I have been too full of despair about myself that I cannot even face optimism. So instead I will cathartise on this... I sometimes need to let it all out. I am high octane in expectations and low burn in reality. And now I’m heading for a breakdown, but i seem to be locked on course.
My latest mission is about a year a half in age and is frayed at the seams.. Suffering from serious lack of motivation....
My latest mission is about a year a half in age and is frayed at the seams.. Suffering from serious lack of motivation....
It has been a busy day.
People came round and prayers were said for my grandfather. My brother and I sat together, both of us, unsure about the content of the prayers! Weird. I am able to understand some of the parts of surahs, but not much. I have not been given the education you see! Strange how it is to continue the customs and traditions of ones parents culture without any of the 'filling in the gaps' education. Also strange to see the generations : dad, brother, me, in one room thinking about our grandfather, who was thousands of miles away The prayer lent some spiritual intimacy to the moment, but it was continuously public and private at the same time. This is what purpose all ritual offers the legitimate process for grief, the institutionalisation of emotion. Public, and safe, contained with a spiritual rubric, and some factility to maintain, encompass solidarity Prayer felt like meditation, the words of the mollavi seemed to become hypnotic, and fused with the concentration, and awareness of the room. IT is as though the room became an organism... Perhaps this is what Durkheim meant by organic solidarity? (But in fact, i think that i have remembered that the wrong way round, because organic was the modern, secular kinship wasn’t it??). Anyway, a profound experience, one which echoes the profound grief that my dad felt I hope.
The Muslim way seems to be so much more in touch with the necessity and requirements of grief then the Christian funeral / wake. Perhaps I'm not experienced enough for which I am grateful.
All in all death did not escape my thoughts today...
People came round and prayers were said for my grandfather. My brother and I sat together, both of us, unsure about the content of the prayers! Weird. I am able to understand some of the parts of surahs, but not much. I have not been given the education you see! Strange how it is to continue the customs and traditions of ones parents culture without any of the 'filling in the gaps' education. Also strange to see the generations : dad, brother, me, in one room thinking about our grandfather, who was thousands of miles away The prayer lent some spiritual intimacy to the moment, but it was continuously public and private at the same time. This is what purpose all ritual offers the legitimate process for grief, the institutionalisation of emotion. Public, and safe, contained with a spiritual rubric, and some factility to maintain, encompass solidarity Prayer felt like meditation, the words of the mollavi seemed to become hypnotic, and fused with the concentration, and awareness of the room. IT is as though the room became an organism... Perhaps this is what Durkheim meant by organic solidarity? (But in fact, i think that i have remembered that the wrong way round, because organic was the modern, secular kinship wasn’t it??). Anyway, a profound experience, one which echoes the profound grief that my dad felt I hope.
The Muslim way seems to be so much more in touch with the necessity and requirements of grief then the Christian funeral / wake. Perhaps I'm not experienced enough for which I am grateful.
All in all death did not escape my thoughts today...
Saturday, March 30, 2002
Just come back from having dinner with my friend, in London. We talked about a lot of things. For instance how much of finding the right partner is physical attraction and how much boils down to whether you get on or not. We both decided that in fact depending on if you want a longer term relationship or not, that the personality side of things is far more important. Still a large degree of 'chemistry' is exciting!!
Anyway, we got onto other subjects... This Christmas Easter thing! My friend is a Christian, and feels that the whole Easter bunny / chocolate eggs thing is destroying Easter, so I agreed with her about this one. She also felt that in fact the whole way in which the Church and state are not truly separated causes problems. She said that it would be better to separated out all the religious holidays and ascribe them to worshipers, thus meaning Easter would be a Christian festival, as Eid is for Muslims.
I dunno about that, but I see her point, it would stop alot of commercialisation of the festivals, I mean we have too many already
anyway time for some shut-eye.
Anyway, we got onto other subjects... This Christmas Easter thing! My friend is a Christian, and feels that the whole Easter bunny / chocolate eggs thing is destroying Easter, so I agreed with her about this one. She also felt that in fact the whole way in which the Church and state are not truly separated causes problems. She said that it would be better to separated out all the religious holidays and ascribe them to worshipers, thus meaning Easter would be a Christian festival, as Eid is for Muslims.
I dunno about that, but I see her point, it would stop alot of commercialisation of the festivals, I mean we have too many already
anyway time for some shut-eye.
Friday, March 29, 2002
Its a SUN filled day, and its Easter. I suddenly realised that Easter is as important as Christmas, but people use it as an excuse to get away simply because of the long weekend and the fact that the whether is better! What would happen if Christmas was during the Summer?
Anyway, have you ever tried Internet dating? my advice is to try it. When you get a cyber rejection, it doesn't hurt as much, and also it is somehow more civilised!!
I must get my head into gear as I still have too many real pain in the neck things to do, and in fact all I feel like doing is going for walk. In fact I think I may just do that instead.
Anyway, have you ever tried Internet dating? my advice is to try it. When you get a cyber rejection, it doesn't hurt as much, and also it is somehow more civilised!!
I must get my head into gear as I still have too many real pain in the neck things to do, and in fact all I feel like doing is going for walk. In fact I think I may just do that instead.
Thursday, March 28, 2002
2 Weeks ago my grandfather died. He passed away about one hour after esha prayer (evening). Two days before his death, my mum and dad had been visiting him in Dhaka, and had boarded a plane to return to the UK. At that point my grandfather had told people around him that in two days he would be dead.
Life goes, sometimes its ripped from you, other times it ebbs like a tide going out. I am happy that my grandfather had the opportunity to face death with his heart free of fear. May Allah look after his soul.
Life goes, sometimes its ripped from you, other times it ebbs like a tide going out. I am happy that my grandfather had the opportunity to face death with his heart free of fear. May Allah look after his soul.
Wednesday, March 27, 2002
Today I ruminated on the reasons for 'blogging' with a work colleague after seeing the danger of such an activity. I mean its a pretty sad way of releasing / enforcing thoughts to a large audience. Is there any reason, seeing as the chances of anyone reading this and feeling a necessity to comment is rather slim. I suppose its for one's own reasons that one decides to share their thoughts with the internet. On the other hand there is the too serious
Anyway, I have been thinking about changing the reasons for this particular 'blog' after seeing the potential pitfalls. I suppose I shall use this a repository of ideas, and archive of my time slot. In the scheme of things I shall find that there is not much validity in writing aimlessly into space?? Having said that, the very process of understanding that in is not just un-inhabited textual domain, means that there is a slight risk of someone reading this. I haven’t exactly circulated this amongst my mates. I will have to simply see what happens.
Here is something that is pertinent to my current mindset. I am trying to juggle a life of work and a life of study. I find it really difficult to motivate myself to study after a hard days work!! I have tried everything, solitude, library visits, sleep, getting up extra early!! Nothing seems to work. CAN anyone help?? (I don't actually expect an answer, see above ).
Currently I feel that I have to simply 'trick' myself, by getting down to reading before the tiredness sets in. Anyway, this is sounding like the worst type of logging.....!
So just in case you have stumbled across this site by accident: here is something else
Anyway, I have been thinking about changing the reasons for this particular 'blog' after seeing the potential pitfalls. I suppose I shall use this a repository of ideas, and archive of my time slot. In the scheme of things I shall find that there is not much validity in writing aimlessly into space?? Having said that, the very process of understanding that in is not just un-inhabited textual domain, means that there is a slight risk of someone reading this. I haven’t exactly circulated this amongst my mates. I will have to simply see what happens.
Here is something that is pertinent to my current mindset. I am trying to juggle a life of work and a life of study. I find it really difficult to motivate myself to study after a hard days work!! I have tried everything, solitude, library visits, sleep, getting up extra early!! Nothing seems to work. CAN anyone help?? (I don't actually expect an answer, see above ).
Currently I feel that I have to simply 'trick' myself, by getting down to reading before the tiredness sets in. Anyway, this is sounding like the worst type of logging.....!
So just in case you have stumbled across this site by accident: here is something else
