Monday, August 18, 2003
The logistics of buying property
It seems that I might instead of buying a flat, begin a war. With war, you're in control. The buzz of excitement comes not from anticipating if the 'vendor' will accept your offer. No it comes from a thought that you may at any moment be blasted apart. That kind of extreme high just can't be experienced in the joys of waiting for a contact to be exchanged. You don't need to time your life insurance, contents insurance and most importantly, the removal van delicately for the afternoon. You don't need to wait patiently for the bank to acknowledge that the money from your mortgage lender has transferred across to the vendor.. and then its time to CHARGE, where's the removal van??! Wait, don't switch on the electricity, make a note of the meter reading first..NO not there, over there..'HI! I'm your neighbhour..What's that? Oh ok, I shan't park there again..' What the contract never said that?! ACTUALLY it is starting to sound more like war, perhaps I will buy a flat after all.
It seems that I might instead of buying a flat, begin a war. With war, you're in control. The buzz of excitement comes not from anticipating if the 'vendor' will accept your offer. No it comes from a thought that you may at any moment be blasted apart. That kind of extreme high just can't be experienced in the joys of waiting for a contact to be exchanged. You don't need to time your life insurance, contents insurance and most importantly, the removal van delicately for the afternoon. You don't need to wait patiently for the bank to acknowledge that the money from your mortgage lender has transferred across to the vendor.. and then its time to CHARGE, where's the removal van??! Wait, don't switch on the electricity, make a note of the meter reading first..NO not there, over there..'HI! I'm your neighbhour..What's that? Oh ok, I shan't park there again..' What the contract never said that?! ACTUALLY it is starting to sound more like war, perhaps I will buy a flat after all.
In case you are wondering, this is all stuff which is coming out of a pre-emptive strike on a mid-life crisis. I'm not going to give in to it man. That pesky mid-life crisis is not going to bring me to my knees. I'm gonna age gracefully. I figure I have ten years before all this stuff comes back for real, when I start to get the urge to date girls ten years younger and seek fast cars and faster drugs.. etc etc. SUBVERT. I am not going to fit in to the stereotype!
Take control of your mid-life crisis.. Pretend you are 40 and that you've got too old, fat and washed out to live.. Imagine sitting in that straightjacket you call a 'leather recliner', reading the Tory press and feeling bad about taxes. Wear cords, man. Wear navy blue Dockers. Buy a Toyota MR2. Do it on credit if you haven't got the budget. Go see your financial adviser, ask about pensions. Talk passionately about 'equity', over a coffee in Cafe Rogue on a Saturday night in your local high street. Pat your gut, with contentment and maybe just a bit of contempt too. Do it now as a pastiche, before you do it for real. You'll feel much better, trust me I'm not a doctor.
Take control of your mid-life crisis.. Pretend you are 40 and that you've got too old, fat and washed out to live.. Imagine sitting in that straightjacket you call a 'leather recliner', reading the Tory press and feeling bad about taxes. Wear cords, man. Wear navy blue Dockers. Buy a Toyota MR2. Do it on credit if you haven't got the budget. Go see your financial adviser, ask about pensions. Talk passionately about 'equity', over a coffee in Cafe Rogue on a Saturday night in your local high street. Pat your gut, with contentment and maybe just a bit of contempt too. Do it now as a pastiche, before you do it for real. You'll feel much better, trust me I'm not a doctor.
Friday, August 15, 2003
Practical Nostalgia#1
*Put on 'I feel for you' the Chaka Khan version and say to yourself:' I used to live inside this track.'
*Put on 'I feel for you' the Chaka Khan version and say to yourself:' I used to live inside this track.'
